


A rose by any other name

by Dienael



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Getting to Know Each Other, M/M, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 14:01:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18121916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dienael/pseuds/Dienael
Summary: You know your soulmate the first time you hear them saying your name. For Fenris and Anders who both have been stripped of their name, it's not that simple.





	A rose by any other name

**Author's Note:**

> It's the wonderful Chi that indulged me and my fenders phase by prompting me this for an ask game I reblogged [here](http://levskinautique.tumblr.com) !  
> Have fun reading !

Names were a tricky thing. It was a matter of power, he had been told several time by his mother. It was a matter of identity, had explained his father. It was the only thing keeping living beings civilized.

For Anders, keeping his name a secret was, first and foremost, an act of rebellion. He was scared, that much was true. He was silent and terrified, unable to open his mouth to feed himself. It lasted three days before the rebellion came. It was a thing that he wouldn't let Templars have. It was a thing he would keep a secret both to infuriate them and to stay sane.

Sanity was not a thing to take lightly in the Circle. He had heard more stories he could recall about young apprentices killing themselves after discovering that their soulmates were Templars. He had heard about mage mysteriously disappearing and corpses floating in the lake. He was not stupid. There was no way he would let himself be tied to a Templar. There was no way he would let it happen.

Years after he ran away from Kinloch Hold, it was still a secret. There was a scar deep in his mind, something he couldn't get rid of, an itch. He wasn't even sure he could recall his name, by then. It was more safe this way, he kept thinking. It was enough trouble to have a Fade being living deep in his mind, there were no use to find a soulmate. He wouldn't be alive for long, it was the Grey Wardens fate after all, and meeting them would be, at best, an hurtful experience he wasn't sure he wanted.

"Stay on track, Anders" whispered Justice somewhere in his brain and he shook himself to focus on what he was doing.

Namely, healing Fenris who was sulking on a cot, a deep gash on his face.

"No magic" he had repeated at least three time as if Anders would even try to do that outside of the battlefield. "Please." he had even added the third time. Anders had blinked, unsure of what happened, and had kept for him the snarky answer he was chewing on.

Now, there was a strange silence in the clinic and Anders wasn't sure what to do of it.

"Will you use your old name ?" he asked and by the way Fenris shoulders tensed he was pretty sure it was not the right thing to say.

Fenris' old name was as much a secret than Anders' was. They had not much in common but Anders could relate to that despite Fenris wariness to trust him. They were not friends per se even if Hawke would be offended to hear that. They were allies for lack of better words. That hadn't always been true. It had taken five years and much patience from their friends to get them to stop biting at each others everytime they felt angry. It had taken Hawke pleading eyes to make them accept a steady thruce. It was far from perfect but they were getting there.

Anders was nearly sure he actually liked the bastard. Justice was perfectly sure the said bastard was in need of some justice - which was, much to Anders dismay, not a pun.

"Why are you asking ?" Finally answered Fenris, much calmer than Anders thought he would be.

The words were careful and Anders had learnt that that was the way Fenris was. He was careful when it was important, careful when he talked with Hawke, careful when he spoke about Tevinter, always careful. He was careful with Anders, now, and Anders was wondering if it was because Fenris was starting to care for him.

"I was just..." Anders shrugged, feathers plummetting from his coat. "I don't know, wondering.  
\- That's not my name, Healer." had cut him Fenris before rising from the cot and Anders could have argued Healer was not his name either but it was better than the old Abomination and better than the more recent Mage so he kept his mouth shut. "It's just a ghost from the past."

Maybe that was true. Maybe. After all, Varania had been a nightmare for Fenris, bringing back with her more hurt than benefits. He was about to answer when he realized Fenris was gone and his questions died in his throat. There was nothing he could do about it, after all.

It was when he stopped thinking about Fenris cryptic answer that Fenris came back. He wasn't there, last time Anders had looked at his clinic full of patients and now he was standing in the doorway a nervous look on his face. Fenris didn't look nervous usually. He looked smug, angry, drunk and a lot of other things but not nervous. Even when he had faced and killed Danarius he wasn't nervous. He was scared, of course, but it was something different from the uncertaintity that was painted all across his face. Something was up and Anders was too tired to think about it.

When he finally was able to put off the lantern, several hours had passed. Fenris was still standing in a corner of the clinic.

"Is something wrong ?“ asked Anders. His mana was low but he was pretty sure Fenris wasn't there for some healing.

"I thought about your question. About names.  
\- Yeah ?  
\- What about yours ?"

The question was loaded and they both knew it : Fenris was as much talking about Anders' name than he was talking about his soulmate. Anders knew it because it was at the back of his own mind when he had questioned Fenris about it.

"I've forgotten it."

The silence was deafening. It was the thing about truth : it was never pretty nor soothing. It was harsh and cruel. Anders shrugged when Fenris frowned.

"Nobody called me by the name my parents' gave me in the last thirty years or so.  
\- Was that a choice ?  
\- Kinda. It was a way of staying sane.  
\- I'm pretty sure you are not.  
\- Fair enough. It was a way of being sure I would never find my soulmate in the Templars' rank."

Fenris was fiddling with an embrium flower and Anders was more and more sure something was up. It was written everywhere on Fenris' stern face but he couldn't pinpoint what exactly bothered him that much.  
" Would it be that awful if your soulmate was not a mage ?"

Anders had never thought about that. To be fair, he had never thought about his soulmate identity. It was pointless, he kept reminding himself, because he had forgotten his name to save himself, because nobody would ever call him by this name, because he couldn't possibly ever find them. It was pointless but Fenris was civil enough for him to indulge him and answer his questions.

"It doesn't matter, does it ?" It was true, it didn't. Warrior or mage or rogue, everything was good for all he cared. The only thing that mattered was that they were not a Templar. "I just don't want to even imagine I could love someone that works as a Templar. I don't think I could get past it."

Fenris nodded and Anders thought it was the last of it. There wasn't much more to say about it.

"Anders." Fenris called, his voice slow and steady and Anders understood why he was so careful and unsure.

That wasn't a surprise. There wasn't any spark, any fireworks or any explosion. There was just his hearbeat drumming inside his chest and Fenris' eyes, full of something that looked like hope.

"How did you know ?" he asked. Asking when was pointless. He didn't care. It was maybe years before or monthes or days but Fenris had probably needed time to mull it over and it was fine. How was the important question. How because what was the mechanic of this when they both had been stripped from their name. How because that was Anders favourite question, after all.

"I heard you talking about me with Varric one day. Something benign. It just clicked. I don't need Leto to be Fenris. You don't need your past name to be Anders." Blushing, Fenris gestured toward himself. "Can you get past that ?"

Once again, the silence was deafening.

Carefully picking his word, Anders answered :  
"I can work with that."

There wasn't spark, firework or explosion but when Fenris laced their fingers, Anders discovered it wasn't necessary. The warmth against his palm was, on the other hand. 


End file.
